At one point or another, we all are faced with new stages in life. Fear of the unknown can feel paralyzing at times until another person shares their story. You quickly find out that you are not alone and that many others are facing the same fears and struggles as you are. Join Jeff and Ian today as they discuss Ian’s Journey to College.


Transcription of the Podcast


Ian:

And you don’t really realize it until you start meeting people and they all have the same struggles as you. And you’re like, “Oh, I’m not alone. I’m not the only one feeling this way.”

Speaker 4:

You life, your journey starts now.

Jeff:

Hello everybody. We are here with Another Journey podcast. I’m sitting across from Ian Crumley. Hello, Ian.

Ian:

Hello.

Jeff:

I’m Jeff Carlson. We’re going to talk a little bit about sort of this navigating the stage of life called transition from high schooler to college dude. The last time I saw you and he was leaving the studio and he was kind of looking a little sheepish going to Iowa State and now he’s sitting high in the saddle.

Ian:

Yes, sir.

Jeff:

First year freshmen looking good. So thinking back to my days in college as a guy going into college, I think the big questions were a number one, where are the women? And number two, where’s the beer? So I don’t know if this changed at all over the last number of years.

Ian:

There’s definitely a big part. A pretty, I don’t know, a toxic part of a lot of people going into college.

Jeff:

Well, it’s that first step away right from home. And I think some people really just get out there and it’s party time and other people it’s kind of say, no, I’m going to be serious about this. Yeah.

Ian:

Yeah. I think there’s been a more like radical shift towards the education part. There’s a lot of like student run groups and student run clubs that like promote like just leadership and education and studying habits and all that stuff. And even on my floor we have individual floor names for my dorm. I live in Joe Free hall and my dorm, we have a parliament and we have, I’m actually the education chair for my floor. So like I can print out posters to convince people to study more or print out fun facts about studying habits.

Jeff:

Ah, yeah.

Ian:

It’s not as serious as some other stuff, but it’s still fun.

Jeff:

Yeah. Well, and you had mentioned before we started talking this morning just about all of the different things that are available, all the different activities and all the different social activities and that kind of thing too. So, I mean there’s just a lot hitting young people as they wander into college, right?

Ian:

Yeah. Like I was saying earlier, you walk into the Memorial Union, which is the main building on campus and you could stay in there for about 30 minutes and find something to do every day for the rest of the week because there’s just so many opportunities and so many people looking for volunteers and so many people looking for members for their club that it’s almost like how can you not fill your time when you’re at college?

Jeff:

Right, right. So let me just, let’s take our listeners back here. So you’re literally driving, did you drive yourself or have like folks take you?

Ian:

Yeah, my parents took me.

Jeff:

Okay. So let’s go back to that moment because you know, you are driving into Iowa State and you’re looking at this place, “Hey, this is different, right? We’re not at mom and dad’s house anymore here.”

Ian:

No, we’re not.

Jeff:

So sort of take us through if you could those first hours, days of what it’s like to jump into that whole college experience if you’re willing to do that.

Ian:

Yeah, so definitely I was extremely excited. So essentially the whole car ride just because I didn’t really know what to expect. But I’ve gone through a lot of change in my life, I’ve moved three times and so change really isn’t super horrible for me as is for some people, like my girlfriend kind of had a rougher time getting into the college transition because she’s stayed in the same home since she’s been born. She’s grown up in the same school district. She’s never moved obviously. And then just going from being super close with her parents to not having parental figures at all in college was a huge transition. For me, it wasn’t so much just because rather I-

Jeff:

Go with the flow.

Ian:

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Jeff:

And it’s an adventure. So it’s sort of that mindset of the person coming in. It’s like, is this an adventure or is this terrifying? Or somewhere in the middle. So with your girlfriend, kind of maybe looking at that in a little bit different way than you, did you kind of give her some, a little bit of coaching, a little informal coaching of how to kind of look at that?

Ian:

Yeah, sort of. I mean, I wanted her to get involved and busy because when you’re involved and busy, you forget about all the bad things essentially.

Jeff:

Yeah. You’re focused on the good, the positive.

Ian:

So there’s like Destination Iowa State, which was this freshman orientation program, which was interesting. Not super fun, but it kept us busy and so we did that and we went out to eat and stuff and just kept our mind off of things until it became normal almost. And so that allowed her specifically to like relax and get settled in and finally focus on what’s exciting about this whole process rather than what’s terrifying about this whole process.

Jeff:

Now, that’s interesting you say that because in Journey we talk about more of a kind of a intentional, either there’s even a booklet of seven sessions, but what you were doing there was just informal one-on-one coaching. You were a little bit farther ahead in terms of like, “Oh this is a good thing. This is going to be a positive.” And she was a little concerned and so it was just coming alongside her and saying, “Here, let’s move forward on this journey, this next step into college journey in a positive way.” So what I’m hearing then is mindset really matters then because two people going into the same situation. Your girlfriend was looking at it different than than you. And so that’s probably a big factor of the kids that are going into a situation like that.

Jeff:

So again, moving forward then, what are some of the things that you saw that you experienced that you saw people maybe getting stuck a little bit maybe that you were encountering as you were moving into those next days and weeks getting acclimated?

Ian:

Definitely making friends was a boundary for everyone because, me included, actually. I consider myself rather social. I can make friends pretty easily, but I was still super nervous going in. That was the one thing I was most worried about for about two weeks. My first two weeks was just what friend group? Because what friend group am I going to have? What friends am I going to surround myself with? And so I was a little paranoid but.

Jeff:

And that’s huge, right? Because there are, let’s face it again, going back to the partying and stuff, there are the party folks, there’s a very serious folks. And then there’s a folks kind of in the middle. But that’s kind of interesting that you were really intentional. It seems like you were intentional anyway. Like looking at that going, I really need to make some good choices here going in, because that’s going to be important.

Ian:

Yeah. And so that being a main concern, well this wasn’t the only reason I joined this, but I joined a fraternity Phi Kappa Psi and I’ve actually met basically my best friends through that. I have like three pretty main friends through Phi Psi and that’s been a huge part of my college is just like all of these super awesome guys and yeah.

Jeff:

So again going back to, you said there was some nervousness about making friends and knowing you, you are a very personable guy. I mean it’s probably easier for you, I would sense, if you took a scale of how easy is it to make friends you’d be on probably the easier to make friends scale than a lot of people. But even for that you are looking at it like, “Wow, this is a little bit daunting.” How did you kind of go about that? Maybe, how did you even think about like the whole fraternity thing? Was that something that you looked at before you actually got to school or was that something after you got to school, you looked at fraternities, even that piece of it a little bit maybe of how you went about it?

Ian:

Yeah, so luckily I knew people from my old high school who are in the fraternity that I’m currently in. I know a lot of people who got to Iowa State and had no intention of being in a fraternity. But then on formal rush weekends, which are just recruitment weekends, they ended up actually joining one and being super happy about it. Other things I did to kind of push my making friends ability I guess was introducing myself to my neighbors, which is a pretty huge one because you live next to them all year and if there’s anything wrong or anything you need, you always have a friendly face to go to. So that was super nice.

Jeff:

So you took the initiative then in a lot of those cases to kind of step out and introduce you.

Ian:

And also not only me, a lot of actually people on my floor came. I left my door open for the first few days while the classes didn’t go on because that’s a common thing I guess. And people just walked in, they’re like, “Hey, my name is this.” And I’m like, “Hi, my name is Ian, nice to meet you. I live here.” And so that was cool.

Jeff:

Well and that’s neat because you guys, and that’s a unique situation about that first step in the college. Everybody’s in that situation. Is your dorm more freshmen then?

Ian:

Yeah.

Jeff:

Well there you go. So it’s the kind of thing where everybody’s put into that pool and everybody’s equally uncomfortable, which is pretty cool how they do that.

Ian:

Yeah. And you don’t really realize it until you start meeting people and they all have the same struggles as you.

Jeff:

Right.

Ian:

And you’re like, “Oh, I’m not alone. I’m not the only one feeling this way.”

Jeff:

If you could. And again, without breaking any confidences or whatever. What were some of the struggles? What are some of the things that people are talking about coming into their freshman year?

Ian:

Definitely the study habits. Because study habits from high school that got you by do not work in college and that is a fact. It was very hard to discover because I got by pretty easily in high school. I would just take my time during class to do my homework because like here’s the thing, high school 8:30 to whenever, 3:30 I think, you have classes all throughout the day and it’s your school day, but even those classes are split up. A lot of them are even split up over the year. So you have all this time to learn this little content over a whole year. So you’ve got lot of time in the class to work on stuff. In college, it’s over four and a half months and you’re learning a lot more than you would have in high school in four and a half months. And there’s no time during class and you just have to find time outside of class and it sucks at first, but you get used to it.

Jeff:

So it’s a discipline thing, right?

Ian:

It really is.

Jeff:

To say, and again it goes back to A, I can go party and have fun or B, I can study. I mean is it that simple?

Ian:

And there’s a strong correlation between those you see like partying all the time and their grades. Because you can have fun with your friends on a weekend or something.

Jeff:

Yeah.

Ian:

But if it’s Monday through Friday during the day or at night, school. And another thing, this is my education chair in Phi Kappa Psi said “Treat college like it’s your full time job”. So from 8:30 to five, your mind’s just there when you’re doing homework and you’re studying and you’re going to class and you just do whatever you have to do because it’s school and you’re paying for it and you don’t want to waste anything because why would you?

Jeff:

Well now that’s, but that’s a great comment though because again, I’m just looking at reality here. What percentage of the kids, and this is going to be hard for you to say because you’re right in it, but even at gut feeling what percentage of the kids going in and look at it that way. Because that’s a very conscientious way to, you’re paying for your parents, you’re going to take care of it. But then there are those folks that are like, “Hey, this is just a license to have fun.”

Ian:

Yeah. There’s a higher percentage of people who think it’s a license to have fun than that treat it like it’s supposed to I guess.

Jeff:

Yeah. So we need to wrap this one up Ian and we’ll get you back for like part two of the step into college podcast here or dive into the deep end of college or you know, paddle around the shallow end of the pond depending on where people are at. But just kind of to close, I do think one of the things I see in you and that I sense is there is that level of discipline of just sort of integrity. When you walked into those college doors, it’s pretty clear that you are not just looking for the next party. Here’s the challenge with what we’re doing here. I would love if some of the kids out there that are more on that party track could just kind of take a heads up directional reboot here.

Jeff:

Because here’s the thing, if a person is going into this situation and if they do look at it as a party and if they do just kind of blow it off, it’s not just affecting the next week or two or the next four years even. I mean it’s affecting the trajectory of their life. And so if people can just say, Hey, you know, and it’s hard to do because it is, right, right. You’re young and it’s like, “Hey, I’ve got my whole life ahead of me.” But the choices that are made at your stage of the game really do affect the rest of your life. And so that’s something that if somebody is listening and they’re like, “You know, I think the partying is fun but I think it’s not going to end real well.” Take a step towards us and you know you can check out a few more of these podcasts and you can just jump in here.

Ian:

I might go off of that real quick too. Because sometimes people find it hard to look in the long run.

Jeff:

Right. Because it’s easy to look at it in the next hour and the next day. Right.

Ian:

But one thing in the short run that I’ve seen a lot and experienced actually because about halfway through the semester I started going on a little slope towards, I’m not going to study as much because things are going well, which then kind of kicked me and I went back up. But if you just take time to study, take time to go to class, to go to class.

Jeff:

That’s right.

Ian:

Huge one.

Jeff:

Yeah. Be in the room.

Ian:

Because no amount of notes can suffice not going to class. That’s one thing I’ve learned. It will not only make you less stressed out, but you actually end up working less because if you just take the little amount of work it is to go to class and to study, you make up for the huge amount of work it is to make up for the lost time, the lost knowledge you could have had by going to class and studying.

Jeff:

Right.

Ian:

Because when test time comes and you’re stressing out and you want to pull your hair out and everything in the world is going horribly, that’s when you’ll wish that you went to class. So just do it in the first place, and you’ll never have to worry about that and then you’ll just be happy.

Jeff:

Right, right. Yeah. It’s a lot easier to move forward when you haven’t crashed and burned rather than having crashed and burned. So if we can help it all through Journey Coaching with that, just reach out. You can reach out to us in many different ways. And it’s as simple as just taking that step and finding out more of bringing some people alongside you. And you may have those, like you had said, Ian, you had those people, you reached out, but sometimes it just takes a little bit more intentional step. And so if we can help in any of those ways, let us know. Again, thanks for jumping in and taking out some your time on your time off here. So yeah, thanks for listening.

Ian:

Thank you.

Speaker 2:

Thank you for listening. Tune in next time and make sure you like and subscribe. Visit us at journeycoaching.org and check us out on Facebook and Instagram. Start your own journey at journeycoaching.org

Speaker 4:

You life, your journey starts now.